Some are stripy, others are coloured or plain. They usually come in sealed packs of uniformity... (that means they’re all the same.) Most do their job really well, a little suck and you’re off... experiencing the pleasure of whatever lies underneath but before you know it, its lost. “Who drank all my Malibu?” I frequently drunkenly say... *thinks* Oh shit, it was me... God. I’m such a gay. The point at the start of this paragraph was just to mention, when you drink through this named item the liquid disappears far quicker than on first intention. As a woman wearing lipstick, at a bar or pub they’re a must, they even come in little half sizes, for singles, shots and such. But what annoys me, is when there’s a hole. You know, near the bend. Because what usually happens is you get air, the drink seems to come to an end. With my fingers I pinch and back again starts the flow... I’m loving it now... I’m really raring to go... And shit, my obvious insanity is definitely starting to show. I don’t know if you have, but I tried tea through one once, it really wasn’t as good. I now realise there are some drinks you just shouldn’t and some, well, you definitely should. I recall a time at school, chewing bits of paper... making them soggy with spit would surely make them far greater, for engaging into our tubular friend and firing them at the teacher. Hitting the back of the neck was always the best shot... failing that we’d just go at lunchtime and shoot them at the roof of the girls bog. Blow football is another useful use, a game of pure skill... it has nothing whatsoever to do with how hard you blow, you just have to try and try until... GOAL... in the back of the net (cleverly disguised as a pencil case) the ball, another bit of paper that did have a drawing of my best friends face. Before writing this poem, I wanted to have a look, what would arrive at my screen when I googled ‘bendable straw’ but what the fuck?! A McDonalds restaurant... a beaming kid with a happy meal in toe... sure he had a drink with a straw (but how this is relevant I’ll never know...) For the shackdonalds straws in all their splendor are indeed nice, but remember they’re as straight as a line, no sexy curvature to add the crucial spice. The glee I’m now feeling, you can surely see, is a simple one in life, that makes me truly happy. So I’m going to stop now, for I can write this crap no more, but there now is one thing I definitely know for sure. Show your appreciation, show your love, sprawl yourself on the floor... there really is no other joy, like the joy of the bendable straw. © KIMBERLY BLAKE
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