I write this from my Mum’s laptop... a tiny notebook with keys so small I keep pressing the wrong letters or two at once. PAH. I keep screaming obscenities at the poor little laptop. (I have decided to name it Piccolo for its obvious miniscule state.) I always wondered why my Mum has a slight squint and now its all becoming clear to me. I have no doubt that I will develop a slow growing hunchback and my fingers will fuse together into stumps.
Normally when I’m writing, I work better by having on some kind of droaning background noise such as Mean Girls. Sometimes though, I long for a more spiritual and entertaining form of background noise so today I’ve gone for Jeremy Kyle. I had a brilliant New Year with some lovely ladies. I got so drunk I recall standing on my best friend’s roof terrace and the sky (covered with fireworks) was totally blurry. LOVELY :] Its Valentine’s day soon and my first as a single. I can’t bloody wait and am very pleased I shall be avoiding aiding the commercial crap they feed you by buying a truck load of Clintons merchandise. I wonder if I will actually get any Valentines though..? To be honest, I don’t particularly fancy any flowers that will die or chocolate that I’ll eat and forget. I still have a memories box with hundreds of little love notes from lovers past... I like remembering how that person once made you feel. (Depressing as that sounds...) Love is fleeting and as quickly as it enters your life, it leaves, leaving a large empty hole. But then you find someone else to fill it, don’t you? Well, whatever the weather, I don’t think Valentines is about just spending time with that one special person in your life... it’s about all the people you love. Whether you’re single on the sofa, dating someone new or shacked up in bed with your beloved, enjoy the day for what it brings – whether its work and a movie or a hundred notes hidden around the house telling you why they love you. I feel like I’ve really experienced life’s ride recently - the ups, downs, highs and lows. I believe in fate. Simples. Having nearly ALWAYS stuck by that, I had in fact started to doubt this recently... To be totally honest with you, emotionally I had a totally shit end to the year. I had a chest infection manky enough to wipe out a tribe of aborigines and to top off the great times, my flat was robbed. WOOOHOOO. My laptop contained my life... and was stolen. I had done three amazing photo shoots and lost all my pictures L I was editing them and hadn’t uploaded them to the net yet. Not to mention my incredible and expensive camera... ASS faces. I know it was my fault really that my entire life was on my laptop and my fault that I had relied on this for my tax return. Creating figures from thin air is a challenge, especially when you’re doing it on the day the deadline hits and you’ve ran out of milk and your cat decides she wants to make a bed in your humungous pile of receipts you have to de-screw and stick into your folder before entering them into the Quickbooks system you no longer have because it was on your laptop which, oh wait... IS GONE. What’s worse is that my two grands worth of stuff and passport are probably for sale at a Cash Converters in Harlesden for £50 (job lot) and will proceed to pay for a week’s supply of Coke, Meow and Vodka. The burglary really made me think about possessions and how attached we are nowadays to material things. What’s hilarious is that I had mentioned on a previous blog entry that I would try a technology free week. Funny how dreams come true huh?! Watching the forensic people finger print my room full of mess was the incredible icing on the normally yummy iced bun. HOWEVER... My friends are incredible. I am so lucky. They took time off work, rallied round and helped in any way they could... my Mum was supportive as always and simply listed as I screamed and cried down the telephone at her without totally freaking out herself (which is a really BIG deal). I’ve also just discovered that Piccolo can delete things realllllllllllllllllllly quickly. ‘She may be tricky but she’s bloody good!’ What was I saying..? Ah yes, material things... Well. I think the simple pleasures are few and far between now. By simple pleasures, I mean sitting reading an actual book in bed rather than watching as movie or surfing Facebook on your iPhone/iPad/Macbook/blah... but on a serious note, when I came home to find the entire contents of my room spread across my floor, my heart broke in two... it hurt so much that something I had taken for granted could hit me so hard. I think it was more that these people had been in my home, on my bed, touching my things. Bastards. Anyhow, nearly 3 weeks on and I’m coming to terms with what happened. It helps to write it down to be honest. Having lost my photographs I was gutted. However, someone told me ‘the first picture you take, with a new camera which you have paid for, will be a million dollar picture.’ They were right. I will frame it. There’s going to be a Diamond Jubilee Wood :] You can buy a tree to be planted and dedicated to someone. I know because I just saw the obviously high budget and groundbreaking advert in which Tarquin and Priscilla look up and their beautiful (fully grown) oak tree whilst Vivaldi underscores. Nawwww. I don’t think I’ll be giving money for that, do you? Guys... a little tip... don’t ever buy a girl a tree for Valentines Day. Whenever I see Miss Piggy I can’t’ help but crack up laughing. I love her! I can’t wait to see the Muppets movie! I think there will be plenty of secret Muppets fans out there and if you didn’t watch it when you were young, you will definitely want to watch it now! Watching Rizzo the Rat cook Spaghetti Bolognese on This Morning with Gino, truly was a highlight of my week. I’m being a fat, greedy cow and just ordered Dominoes Pizza before I start my new healthy eating plan. How is it that the website knows my name when I log on? I’m greeted with ‘Hello Kimberly’ sprawled across the homepage... how depressing. I mean, its not like I order Dominoes all the time! In fact, I’m pleased to announce that this is the FIRST time I’ve ordered Dominoes in this flat alone... Being a love-themed blog, I have another thought for you... Have you ever been in love? I’m sure the answer is yes. If it is yes, I’m sure you’ll identify with the poem I wrote recently about walking away from someone you love. Whatever the circumstances, it’s always the most painful experience we put our hearts through. I wrote a poem the other day – I saw a couple on the train platform embracing, both crying... thought I’d tear and share with you all. ‘I miss you... even though you’re here’ It hurts me so much to walk away Crushes and squeezes me tight because I know there’s more to say There’s so much I want us to do and see I cling on to the future hoping one day will be the time for you and me I don’t know when I don’t know how But one thing I know, is I see that silver cloud I hope it does happen I always say I believe in fate Pushing us onwards as we face mediocre ‘day to day.’ I met you by chance – life can be so funny Sitting then walking and talking randomly I don’t know if you see the world the same way as I do But, I love you. Every time I look at you I remember what I’m missing And my heart breaks in two. This sadness I feel Will it ever go away? I’m finding it hard to breathe and it makes me cry Please pain, just leave me for one day, today, OK? I’ve made the choice and I can’t go back I’ve cut you from my life Diced and chopped up my heart with a knife because my head is just jam-packed. You’re standing there in front of me And the words are coming out of my mouth Like a string of musical notes blowing in the wind But it’s like I’m in a weird movie and I’m watching someone else Dancing and performing dressed as a clown. So I’ve watched myself talk And I’ve yelled it to the sky ‘I can’t see you anymore’ And all I want to do now is cry. I heard what I said and that makes it all clear We’ll hug each other goodbye - I don’t want to let you go I’m praying you’ll hold me tighter as I whisper in your ear; ‘I miss you... even though you’re here.’ Girls aged 13 are being given contraception at school ‘in secret’ without parents knowledge. I realise that sex before 16 is indeed illegal and people argue that providing contraception this young will encourage underage sex but its 2012 now... I have the view that if I had a daughter and she was having sex, A: I would make sure initially we had the kind of relationship that she could tell me and I would put her on the pill myself and B: I firmly believe young people probably WILL have sex depending upon their social and family background and educational circumstances. And by this, I’m not saying that sex doesn’t happen in single sex private education, but it’s a fat load of a lot less. My school was full of sex! I recall watching a lot of birth videos in science but actually don’t remember that much sex education. What’s important to me is that if the above was case and my daughter came to me, it’s better to be having safe sex than unprotected sex. I would hate to think of my daughter being petrified and not have anyone to talk to... maybe that’s just me? In any case, I’d want to drum self respect into any of my children and pray they never got themselves into a situation they would regret. Right, my friends reading this will probably all want to know my exciting news.... SO... here goes..... DRUMROLL PLEASE.... I’m going to be in the West End! TADAAA! This has happened so suddenly and so quickly I find myself just standing in the middle of my bedroom wondering what to do with myself and staring at my walls. Now I’m in the deep end. Sweeney Todd opens on March 10th at the Adelphi and I will be Swinging and covering Johanna. Not a bad start really! I’m overjoyed after such a crappy January... it really was shit and one of the darkest times of my life. EVERYTHING went wrong and just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom, you’re back at the top. I never would have thought that my voice would have got me this far... Standing on a Derbyshire school stage and belting out ‘There are worse things I could do’ from Grease or playing Zebulum, one of Joseph’s Brothers and wishing that I was the narrator... it seems like such a distant memory and I always hoped this would happen... I dreamt of it coming true too but could never visualise it... However, if you can imagine it – you can create it and if you can dream it – you can achieve it. I’m still just humbled and thankful for life, for my incredible and supportive friends who are there for me in a heartbeat, for my Mum and Stepdad who have gone above and beyond. For all those who have touched my soul and added to my spirit and madness. SOPPINESS OVER. I love my job, I’m starting rehearsals Monday and I will work my arse off. Sweeney Todd!!!!!! I’m still pinching myself.... Is this happening??!?! Gaghhhhh!! :D I wrote the above bit last week as Piccolo decided I wasn’t allowed to upload my blog just yet so am continuing now having fixed the problem. Huzzah. Today has been a duvet day. Coco and I have watched movies, eaten chocolate and just about been able to breathe from the 2cm air holes in our duvets wrapped around us. Coco has been knitting a pigeon, I have written and flat searched. It’s unbelievable how your life can change in the blink of an eye. This must be what it’s like to win the lottery huh? I still would like to travel the world so maybe I will go when my contract has finished. The best bit is I can save up loads of money and do it properly. What’s lovely, is thsat I was reading my old record of achievement the other day... Written at 15, it gives a true insight into my life and thoughts then. My personal statement ends with me saying ‘I’d like to be an actress and singer full time and have a career in Musical Theatre. My dream is to perform on a West End stage. Watch out world, here I come!’ So... having had my life take a lovely new direction recently, I’m going to end with saying this: I AM HAPPY. I have worked hard. I have loved. I have accepted being my own person. I have turned around my life completely in under a year. I have cut out caffeine – its killing me! I have started a new healthy eating plan – green, all I see is green... I have cleared my mind both mentally and spiritually. I have cleansed my soul. I have made the decision to always follow my heart, to always believe in fate, to make my own luck. I know the awful things that happened, were put there to prepare me. Most importantly..... I have made it.
0 Comments
|