I did in fact dream the other night of myself riding a camel in the Alps. Not only was I riding the glorious humped creature across a beautiful mountain top, I was eating chicken flavoured noodles AND playing the guitar at the same time... If you happen to be a dream expert, perhaps you can tell me what this means? Have I been dealt the death card in the Mystic Tarot? Am I going to die a horrible death? Eeesh… Death by camel… Or worse… death by chicken noodles… Like when you sneeze and one comes out of your left nostril. To make matters worse, they weren’t even nice Wagamama noodles; they were of super noodle/pot noodle type. I don’t remember having to empty the sachet of flavouring into the noodles though and I don’t remember what I was eating them from.
I definitely had a fork though. My stomach is gurgling rather strangely… I HAVE had a white wine, 2 lattes, glass of champers, Limoncello AND lots of water though tonight. Oh and sneaky Tapas for dinner and before that Ping Pong for lunch… whoops. Rehearsals for Sweeney Todd are going swimmingly. I have decided I love being a Swing. I’m really lucky to be seeing the show from a different point of view every day with every angle being new and exciting. I’m not going to be excited however, come September when I have to say Goodbye. At the end of last week I descended my usual scrubby London moving stairway down to the tube of delight, only this time, amongst the posters all the way down advertising Tena lady, Lavazza coffee and the Lion King, my little eye caught a glint of red text… Sweeney Todd! I lived a dream in that moment, to be working on a West End show and seeing the poster on the tube escalator… What’s better is that I have achieved this by myself (miraculously) and I’m not the person getting coffee like last time… I’m an actual actress. I actually get to sing. And actually get to act. March 10th is very close! Roll on the get-in… we all have itchy feet! Today we visited the theatre and our dressing rooms…. I nearly had a heart attack and got VERY emotional… What a dream and I still can’t believe this is happening to me. Loving the cast; beautiful, amazing people all with wonderful stories to tell! I even have lights around my mirror. Lush. I’ve eaten so much salad and healthy food recently I think I’m going to turn into a potato or a stick of celery or something. On Sunday I even got my weekly shop from an organic health food shop (I know... ME!) To tell you the truth, having a nice little routine of healthiness, organisation and vitamins is doing me lots of good. My nails have grown (I know, boring…) and I generally feel a lot more healthy (also boring.) I must have looked like I belonged in the health food shop… I really did feel like I had finally fit in with the crowd with my barefoot shoes and my stripy rucksack. So much so, that I was even convinced to buy and amazing, new, special, high in vitamins, no fat, low sugar, no wait… no sugar, isotonic drink of amazingness (coconut juice…) by the shop assistant who was clearly from Essex and had never drank the stuff in her life. Having spent the last 4 hours of her previous evening learning her ‘script’ for her promo work selling coconut juice, she looked very pleased when I bought a bottle… I felt guilty. Particularly because she’d spent 10 minutes telling me how brilliant it was for me and how I could conquer the world if I drank it… I kind of expected to fly after sipping and felt a bit disappointed when I didn’t… not as disappointed as the man standing outside Subway dressed as a happy-faced sandwich though. The life of a failing actor… bad times. Holy moly Mother of God – its March. I love turning the page of my calendar so I have a brand new month :] The little things please me lots like walking to the bus stop. Even though I don’t like waiting at the bus stop (I’m incredibly impatient and fidget lots so just end up looking like some boho-styled junkie) I love the morning walk on a day like today – beautiful blue sky and sunshine. I also love getting on the bus and claiming my throne on the top deck at the front. I remember being so excited to get on a double decker bus as a youngster… Ooh and the DLR… it’s like being on a rollercoaster, all be it a slow one. Yes I AM a sad lady who loves the bus. Really though, isn’t it great how we can just plop ourselves onto a tube and zip under the cars and end up in a totally new place? I know the tube is busy, a huge marketing world on rails, body odor and armpit-in-face central but it’s also usually reliable and fast. This comes just a day after I posted online saying ‘Die TFL… DIE.’ Well, I was cold and wanted to go home. We all say things we don’t mean when we’re angry or hungry don’t we now? Did you all read the story about the lady’s horse that got stuck in the mud? They were happily trit-trotting along when suddenly…. Squelch, plop and sunk good and proper. The quicksand-like mud swallowed the horse near whole (greedy bitch). The newspaper was crowded with black and white shots of a lady looking like she’d won a bikini mud wrestling championship cuddling her struggling horse. The relationship between animal and human is a strong one that I find fascinating. We’re animals too though aren’t we? We only say we’re different because WE say we are… we could have called ourselves aliens from the planet Zog if we wanted to. I have told many animals my problems because they just know, don’t they? We see ANY baby animal and we say ‘awwwww.’ The look of a dog’s to its owner for example, is a look of total companionship and devotion. That animal would die for its owner and I cannot begin to explain how much I would like to be an animal for the day to see what they think/feel, if anything at all. Undoubtedly I would probably be a Hippo because they’re my favourite or a bird (not predictable at all) so I could fly and poo on the heads of people I didn’t like. I wouldn’t want to be a pigeon though because I may end up impaled on one of the South Bank spikes or have to hobble around on a stump (that always makes me sad). I’d be a Robin I think. That way I would still have breasts and people would think I’m cute. I could be social with humans, sing lots and get to taste a bit of wormage, perfect. I love my cats and one day would like a dog or two and maybe a hippo or three in the garden. I’d have a pond and then the hippos could share with some ducks. I would make sure my Hippos didn’t crave the taste of human flesh though and then people would still want to come and visit me. In other news I have started removing the copious layers of photographs and crap from my wall… I’ve already one and a half sides of my room which is impressive, I know... Don’t die because you’re so impressed, will you? The reason this is important is because…. Tra laaaaaaa…. I have a new home! An amazing new flat with the gorge Alyson… we have a beauts pad in Fitzrovia just off Oxford Street. I am so excited I might pop. What did I do to deserve this?! The ‘day girls can propose’ day came and went in my life without me asking anyone properly. Apart from the obvious choices like Will Smith and Her Majesty the Queen I don’t really want to marry anyone at the moment. I also know that really, if someone is bothered about you, they will show you so. If someone isn’t willing to fight for you, then bollocks to them I say. My friend Jenny says this too… She is very good at everything, especially giving love advice and I tend to ask her about things like that. She usually reinforces what I already know but it helps to hear it for the 637th time. Why do people try to make you jealous? I know that when you’re in love it aches but jealousy can eat you up from the inside out… I also hate the feeling of someone deliberately saying something to provoke a reaction or to shove your face into something. I do actually get it. No need to over compensate and complicate. Love certainly is a battlefield full of games and tricks in my experience sadly. *Sigh* Where is my perfect person? Are you out there or am I going to be window shopping forever? I have a double chance since I like boys and girls but hurry up… I’ll get bored of looking soon and die a lonely fag hag. I love Mumford & Sons just a little bit: ‘But tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?’ Quality stuff there… The album still remains one of my firm favourites. Today’s tear and share poem is called ‘Ode to Armpits…’ Its proper baked camembert but we all like the taste of cheese now and again don’t we lovelies? :] I wrote it on the train of tube today. It’s about the tube funnily enough… ‘Ode to Armpits…’ We all need to get around We all need A to B So why not ride on the rammed tube? Delightfully and lightly scented with wee. The preggers woman wants my seat She’s not going to die because she’s withchild but she rubs her bump visibly. The glares begin and I have no excuse I have to give up my seat Because the knob head bloke opposite me blatantly refuses. Then there are the obviously happy, smiling faces… Don’t get me started. ‘Mind the gap please, this train is now departing.’ Well, I would mind the gap if it wasn’t for the guy Who has decided to aim his left armpit right for my eye. To make it worse he’s reading The Sun So I have to look at some chav on page three and her large, overflowing bosom. There’s always a bohemian, poetry in hand Skinny, no fat, no anything, just pissy water soya latte… grande. Then there are the perverts But you’re looking at them… Or so they think How low will they sink?! I’ve been grabbed by the leg Grabbed by the arm Get lost your weirdo… I actually have a real life rape alarm (It’s about 16 Octaves above middle C and will burst your ear drums unfortunately.) The newspaper exchange is a favourite of mine The ‘place behind my head’ means it’s your time. Then there are the folk welded to their phones Talking usually if you’re above ground Forcing every person on the carriage to hear their verbal sounds; ‘Oh my God, no way, Tracy had the baby? But I thought she was running off to Benidorm with Stevie? Shit babe I’m sooooo sorry to hear that I’m always here if you need a chat or a chin wag. That’s what bezzie mates are for...’ For fucks sake love Just shut the front door! For all its disadvantages (such as not having a loo) There is a flip side and good things about the tube too. I’m yet to think of those and I shall consult a higher power But for now Please just make sure before embarking That you shower. KB – 02/03/12 Always try and put a smile on your face. Not only does it brighten up other folks’ day and make you seem selfless, it makes you look less of a miserable bastard. XO Kimbo. P.S. www.sweeneytoddwestend.com :)
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